Love is worth fighting for, but not if you’re the only one fighting. It can be really heartbreaking when its the end of a relationship. Some people get over it easily, while it takes a lot longer for others. If you’re someone who finds it harder to get over someone after a bad breakup, just remember that it’s perfectly all right. Being sad, numbing out and losing interest are the initial stages of a break-up. If you’re a human, you have to understand that it’s normal to be grieving at this stage. Once you get through this stage, you will start on the recovery.
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.Rumi
Easier said than done, right?
If you’re grieving at this point, after a week, month or even years, all you need to believe is that the timeline varies for everyone. But be glad that you’re on the path to recovery and half-way through to reaching out to the inner peace. But if you’re still lost and can’t find a way out, let’s get a lot of ice cream and we can get eat our way through this phase.
Why losing a relationship affects you?
Two souls are connected with each other through relationships. A relationship is meant to comfort, soothe pain and add value to our everyday lives. But losing that suddenly removes the central part of what your life moves around. That creates a lot of pain and leaves a void in your heart. And one tries to fill this void over the next course of the months, years. Sometimes it can really take longer than one can anticipate. So you end up wallowing in your sorrows thinking about the past and never really get a move on. And you deeply regret whatever has happened to you, to a point that you lose the purpose of your life. After all, that might’ve been a reason that kept you going all this time and a sudden loss just makes you stranded.
While it may be hard to digest the fact that it is something that’s not coming back, you have to stay strong and walk forward. No matter how long it takes, just don’t look back and begin the walk to your recovery.
Put your feelings in words:
Writing down how you feel sometimes can give you a different perspective on how you view things. When you stroll down the memory lane next time, take a moment and write down how you felt. We remember the past and visualize it better than it actually was. Sometimes you have to be willing to watch it from a different perspective. It will bring out things that you would’ve never really thought about before.
You can also write down bad memories of what made you leave that relationship & how you felt at times when things didn’t work out. Going through what you’ve written when you’re broken, will remind you why you should not feel down. Remember to keep the spirit high and trust yourself.
To love yourself takes priority:
It can be so easy to put all your affection on the other and then when you lose it all, it can be devastating. You will end up blaming yourself for everything that has happened and can not really see the truth as your judgments will be clouded. But loving yourself the same way is all the more essential as it was you who made everything possible until now.
You have your own identity and being the best version of yourself needs more priority than anything else. Be grateful for who you are and learn to accept that it’s going to make you grow stronger and enhance your abilities.
Find what you really need:
When you find yourself always fighting, it means that you have some needs that need to be met. Usually, if it isn’t communicated properly or being ignored by the other person, it can be fatal to a relationship. The best bet is to connect yourself emotionally to understand what they’re trying to convey and see from their end. This will help avoid common relationship mistakes.
To go after someone right after a break-up is not recommended as it can be a rebound relationship. These are short-lived and can only bring you temporary happiness, as rebound relationships are generally the ones we pick up to fill the void we are left with following the previous one. It is advisable to take the time to understand yourself and consider what you are looking for in a relationship. Then, when you are ready to go out there, it would be the best thing that you’ve ever done. You must understand that it takes time to get over someone after a break-up. It’s not something that can be done overnight.
Channel the pain and make it something else:
After a break-up, it is always wise to take the time out and find out what you’re really after. It may be inner peace, passion to do something meaningful, hit the gym or just travel and connect yourself to nature. More often than not, people would always do something listed above to transform the pain into another entity. An entity which is more comforting and makes you better.
Exercise is vital as it helps you build you both your mind and body. This is a great way to build yourself up. If you like to hang out with people, think about all the people you’ve missed spending time with, since you got into this relationship. Friends and family can help you out of tough times as well if you’re in a tough spot.
Great things are waiting for you:
If you’re facing a serious breakup, it can be really bad as it’ll break you mentally and feel like there’s no getting out of it. The whole world which you once liked will turn upside down and positivity is something that is very scarce. However, just realize that you are not alone in this and there are a whole lot of people going through the same as you. If you want, you can always find ways to connect to such people.
All that matters is, whatever happened is in the past. And you will now have to change your life for the better. For people that value you, like your family and friends. It is so easy to give up, but fighting back is not and that’s how you will reap the rewards, later.
This is a post where I talk about how to get the most out of in a relationship and how to avoid common mistakes: Relationship advice.
Some Books to help you on the journey:
If you really like poems and want to move on while gathering courage, then you might want to try this book: Stag’s Leap: Poems. It is beautifully written by Sharon Olds where she explains how to get over someone after a break-up.
If you want to learn your way around the loneliness, make a map of it & sit with it, then this book it the way to go: Eat Pray Love. The author uses encouraging quotes such as this, to motivate the readers.
Another book that deserves a mention is The Alchemist. This book teaches you about life, its purpose, following your dream and a lot of things. It’s recommended even for first-time readers.
Were you able to get over someone after a break-up? Did you use similar methods? If you used alternative methods, do let me know!