Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.

Rumi

Easier said than done, right?

If you’re grieving at this point, after a week, month or even years, all you need to believe is that the timeline varies for everyone. But be glad that you’re on the path to recovery and half-way through to reaching out to the inner peace. But if you’re still lost and can’t find a way out, let’s get a lot of ice cream and we can get eat our way through this phase.

Why losing a relationship affects you?

Two souls are connected with each other through relationships. A relationship is meant to comfort, soothe pain and add value to our everyday lives. But losing that suddenly removes the central part of what your life moves around. That creates a lot of pain and leaves a void in your heart. And one tries to fill this void over the next course of the months, years. Sometimes it can really take longer than one can anticipate. So you end up wallowing in your sorrows thinking about the past and never really get a move on. And you deeply regret whatever has happened to you, to a point that you lose the purpose of your life. After all, that might’ve been a reason that kept you going all this time and a sudden loss just makes you stranded.

While it may be hard to digest the fact that it is something that’s not coming back, you have to stay strong and walk forward. No matter how long it takes, just don’t look back and begin the walk to your recovery.

Put your feelings in words:

Writing down how you feel sometimes can give you a different perspective on how you view things. When you stroll down the memory lane next time, take a moment and write down how you felt. We remember the past and visualize it better than it actually was. Sometimes you have to be willing to watch it from a different perspective. It will bring out things that you would’ve never really thought about before.

You can also write down bad memories of what made you leave that relationship & how you felt at times when things didn’t work out. Going through what you’ve written when you’re broken, will remind you why you should not feel down. Remember to keep the spirit high and trust yourself.

To love yourself takes priority:

It can be so easy to put all your affection on the other and then when you lose it all, it can be devastating. You will end up blaming yourself for everything that has happened and can not really see the truth as your judgments will be clouded. But loving yourself the same way is all the more essential as it was you who made everything possible until now.

You have your own identity and being the best version of yourself needs more priority than anything else. Be grateful for who you are and learn to accept that it’s going to make you grow stronger and enhance your abilities.

Find what you really need:

When you find yourself always fighting, it means that you have some needs that need to be met. Usually, if it isn’t communicated properly or being ignored by the other person, it can be fatal to a relationship. The best bet is to connect yourself emotionally to understand what they’re trying to convey and see from their end. This will help avoid common relationship mistakes.

To go after someone right after a break-up is not recommended as it can be a rebound relationship. These are short-lived and can only bring you temporary happiness, as rebound relationships are generally the ones we pick up to fill the void we are left with following the previous one. It is advisable to take the time to understand yourself and consider what you are looking for in a relationship. Then, when you are ready to go out there, it would be the best thing that you’ve ever done. You must understand that it takes time to get over someone after a break-up. It’s not something that can be done overnight.

Channel the pain and make it something else:

After a break-up, it is always wise to take the time out and find out what you’re really after. It may be inner peace, passion to do something meaningful, hit the gym or just travel and connect yourself to nature. More often than not, people would always do something listed above to transform the pain into another entity. An entity which is more comforting and makes you better.

Exercise is vital as it helps you build you both your mind and body. This is a great way to build yourself up. If you like to hang out with people, think about all the people you’ve missed spending time with, since you got into this relationship. Friends and family can help you out of tough times as well if you’re in a tough spot.

Great things are waiting for you:

If you’re facing a serious breakup, it can be really bad as it’ll break you mentally and feel like there’s no getting out of it. The whole world which you once liked will turn upside down and positivity is something that is very scarce. However, just realize that you are not alone in this and there are a whole lot of people going through the same as you. If you want, you can always find ways to connect to such people.

All that matters is, whatever happened is in the past. And you will now have to change your life for the better. For people that value you, like your family and friends. It is so easy to give up, but fighting back is not and that’s how you will reap the rewards, later.

This is a post where I talk about how to get the most out of in a relationship and how to avoid common mistakes: Relationship advice.

Some Books to help you on the journey:

If you really like poems and want to move on while gathering courage, then you might want to try this book: Stag’s Leap: Poems. It is beautifully written by Sharon Olds where she explains how to get over someone after a break-up.

If you want to learn your way around the loneliness, make a map of it & sit with it, then this book it the way to go: Eat Pray Love. The author uses encouraging quotes such as this, to motivate the readers.

Another book that deserves a mention is The Alchemist. This book teaches you about life, its purpose, following your dream and a lot of things. It’s recommended even for first-time readers.

Were you able to get over someone after a break-up? Did you use similar methods? If you used alternative methods, do let me know!

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The post How to get over someone after a break-up? appeared first on Hang On Life!.

Being in a relationship can be daunting to people especially when they are experiencing it for the first time. A lot of questions like what would change and how you should keep that spark going for the years to come are definitely common. Don’t lose hope yet. There are some lesser-known rules for a healthy relationship. These rules are only followed by people who are happily enjoying their life. The ones that aren’t showcasing it on social media, as an example.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

What you call “couple goals” in social media is actually made up and not really how real couples enjoy their relationship. There are a lot of misunderstandings, the difference in opinions that may pop up somewhere along the way. But getting past those and making it a happy phase of life is all the more essential.

Some of the Best Relationship Advice

Here are some of the best relationship advice that nobody tells you:

Never date someone and think of changing them later:

This is something that needs to be said. If you are trying to change the character of someone or their attitude towards something, it is always going to backfire. And it might come back to bite you at some point in life. People are unique, so its almost impossible to change them to how you want them to be. The vice versa holds true as well. Don’t hide your true character and show yourself as someone you’re not.

Don’t go after the ones who don’t respect you:

When someone doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, then he is not the one that you’re looking for. This will usually lead to emotional abuse and create hatred between you and ultimately break-up. When you give your everything to keep the relationship strong, you normally would want the other person to do the same too.

Something to be mindful of men and women:

Women are diligent and resentful, they will do things for you without asking but expect something for them in return. But Men are lazy and responsible, they will not do something unless they’re told to do so. Even when a man is loyal, the woman might leave him. Because she might think that he has taken her for granted and that he doesn’t appreciate her anymore. Men value loyalty and women value gratitude.

Don’t enter a relationship for the looks:

Looks are important, I understand. But that shouldn’t be the only deciding factor when you look for a person to share your life with. Fall in love with a person for their character, the value they bring in. They are someone who will be there for you when you need them. Someone you can entrust and count on. Sometimes the best ones will be right under your nose, you just have to look out for them.

A relationship isn’t a compensation for something else:

Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you need a relationship to thrive. A relationship isn’t a way to escape something you’re challenged with. If you consider it that way, you will lose yourself in the process and probably end up hurting the other person as well. A relationship is when you commit to each other for a long time and built on trust. The other person should complete you and not bring down your value.

Talk it over, when you don’t feel good:

A relationship in which people have been through suffering and tribulation together knows what it takes to keep it going. They tend to end up together till death do them part. The reason being, they communicate and let it all out even if it hurt them. Sit through and understand their point of view. Show them that you appreciate what they do. This will create a feeling that they are being respected and will want to share more things with you.

Don’t make promises that you can’t keep:

Promises are vital to a relationship. If broken several times, it would erode the trust on which the whole thing stands strong. Be someone genuine that your partner can place their faith on, this will open up ways to keep it a much healthier relationship. If you can’t keep a promise, always own up to your mistakes and give them a proper apology, they deserve this at the very least.

Learn to discern and forgive:

Misunderstanding and quarrel are inevitable in a relationship. At some point, you would find yourself fighting even though you’re someone who wouldn’t start it usually. Stand next to your partner at difficult times and lend them the support by making their problems and worries go away. Forgive when they’ve made a mistake. This will give the healing you need sometimes to the pain you feel. If you don’t go that extra mile and forgive them, then who will?

Get that special person a gift to appreciate all they’ve done for you: Gift them today!

The Bottom Line:

If it’s possible for one person to be hurt by another, then it’s possible for that one person to be healed by another. While it’s hard to distinguish what’s right and wrong, don’t live in fear and give in to insecurities. Things change, hope for the better and let the soul guide you to the one meant for you.

Have you tried any of these best relationship advice? Let me know and I’ll reply to your comments. Until then, hang on to Life!

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The post The best relationship advice that no one tells you. appeared first on Hang On Life!.